“Family Values”

Mark 10:2-16

Divorce and remarriage are very common in our culture. One-half of all American marriages end in divorce. That’s sad, but even sadder is the reality that the divorce rate for Christians is essentially the same as it is for non-believers. I am divorced and remarried. Divorce, no matter what the reasons, is a devastating experience. It is even more so when it happens to Christians. Christian marriage is a covenant between two people made in the eyes of God and witnessed by members of the Body of Christ. The breaking of such a covenant is a sin. I am a sinner.

Before moving on let’s look at what the commentaries have to say. In one Johnnie C. Godwin writes, “While divorce is not the unpardonable sin, it breaks God’s intentions for two people who have become one in marriage. What about circumstances? Jesus [in today’s text] was teaching the kingdom of God – God’s intended will. It was no time to go into endless circumstances. When God’s ideal will is not done in life, he continues to will what is best under the circumstances for that life. No one was ever more understanding and forgiving than Jesus. But he gave us the way of discipleship in marriage is a positive teaching. God’s way in marriage is the right way.”

The bad news about divorce is that it falls short of God’s intentions. The good news, in the words of Mr. Godwin, is that it is not an unpardonable sin. Jesus does understand. Jesus does forgive. I am happily married to Sandy, another divorcee. We sincerely believe that ours is a marriage sanctioned by God. We take comfort in Paul’s words to the Corinthians: “So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new!”

That, however, does not, at least on the surface, mitigate the words Jesus spoke in today’s text: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate… Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” The literal meaning of these words is very clear: divorce and remarriage are a form of adultery.

William Barclay and other commentators look beyond the literal meaning of the words to discover the context in which they were originally spoken. Writes Dr. Barclay: “… the real essence of [verses 2-12] is that Jesus insisted that the loose morality of his day must be mended. Those who sought marriage only for pleasure must be reminded that marriage is also for responsibility. Those who regarded marriage simply as a means of gratifying their physical passions must be reminded that it was also a physical unity. Jesus was building a rampart round the home.”

What kind of immorality was Jesus addressing? First of all he makes it clear that the provisions for divorce contained in the Law of Moses are there out of necessity. They are necessary because the hearts of men – not women, men - are hard. In Jesus’ day there were two schools of interpretation of the Mosaic divorce laws. One said that a man could divorce his wife for any reason he chose, including finding someone who’s prettier. The other school of interpretation insisted that only adultery could be used as a reason for divorce.

Whatever, the women of the day had no rights whatsoever. They lived at the whim of first their fathers and then their husbands. If their husband wanted a divorce, so be it. They had no legal recourse. More than that, there was a double standard applied to the sin of adultery. A man committed adultery only if he had sex with another man’s wife – another man’s property. A woman committed adultery if she had sex with anyone other than her husband. Men had certain sexual liberties that women didn’t.

This was the immorality addressed by Jesus. He was telling men that marriage was more than a social contract or financial transaction. One’s wife was not one’s property or playmate who could be easily – and legally – discarded. Marriage involved the formation of a mutual bond at all levels of existence: physical, emotional, and spiritual. It was to be a covenantal relationship between a man, woman, and God. This covenant was not to be broken, period.

Furthermore, Jesus applied the rules equally to men and women. In verse 12 he says, “… if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” With that one phrase he gave women equal rights with men. He also - and this is important - gave them the same responsibilities. Male or female marriage is to be an unbreakable covenant between to equal partners and their God.

Was Jesus laying down another Pharisaic rule? No. He was describing the way things were to be in the Kingdom of God. Citizens of the Kingdom are, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to live life differently. In the Kingdom of God people - men, women, and children – are neither property nor playthings to use as we please and then discard. Christian marriage is not a civil contract, not merely a function of the state. It is a mystical union of a man and a woman sanctioned, enabled, empowered, and ruled by God. Children are a blessing. They are to be loved, cared for, appropriately disciplined, and nurtured in the faith. Disciples of Jesus are never free to simply walk away from their families.

How is possible to live such a life? That’s where verses 13-16 come into play. Jesus loved children. Jesus blessed children. Jesus valued children. He also lifted them up as models for Kingdom living. They were helpless, totally dependent on their parents, but more importantly totally dependent of God’s grace. Childlike behavior includes trust, humility, obedience, and a willingness to quickly forgive. Such are the ways of a citizen of the Kingdom.

And therein lies the answer to the question of how to live with another person in a biblically defined marital relationship. We must be childlike not childish. We must always remember that no marriage is possible without the blessing of God’s grace. A Christian marriage is totally dependent on his grace. Apart from God we do not have within us the resources necessary for maintaining a marriage.

And then there’s all that trust, humility, obedience, and ability to quickly forgive stuff. The Apostle Paul sums this up in Ephesians 5:21: “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” There is no way for that to happen without a deep and mutual trust of one another. Nor is it possible without a lot of humility on the part of both partners. And there’d better be a willingness to quickly forgive one another. There must be mutual toleration of each others’ aggravating quirks. There’s no room for the blame game in a healthy marriage.

And then there’s that obedience thing. Let me be very clear: our ultimate obedience is given to Christ. Husbands and wives are to seek and follow God’s will for their individual lives and the life of their marriage. That requires a lot of prayer, Bible study, and worship. That old adage about people who pray together stay together might be simplistic but it’s nonetheless true. God has to play a central role in our marriages.

None of us are perfect people – or perfect disciples – or perfect spouses. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. Sandy will be the first to tell you that I am far from perfect in the husband department. I can tell you that she’s not so perfect herself. We know that about one another. We admit it to one another. There’s a lot of “I’m sorry, please forgive me” in our marriage. There’s a lot of mutual accountability. We both have our prideful, childish moments. We can both be stubborn. Like all human beings each of us likes to get our own way. Sometimes we irk the bejeezus out of each other.

At such moments our present throwaway culture tells us that it’s okay to give up and walk away – or seek a less irksome partner (as if such a person really exists). It was to such a culture that Jesus spoke in today’s text. His words are just as applicable now as they were then. “… what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

But still divorce happens, and it happens to Christians. A very wise Christian counselor once told me that sometimes the only reconciliation possible is to be reconciled to the reality that there can be no reconciliation. Although all things are possible with Christ, because of the hardness of human hearts, some marriages, even Christian marriages, end up broken beyond repair. Sometimes human sin triumphs, at lease short-term, over God’s grace.

But God has a way of bringing healing and redemption out of even the worst wounds we inflict on ourselves and one another. Divorce is a sin. It is not unforgivable. We who follow Jesus stumble and fall. But within the context of God’s grace it is possible for us to learn from our mistakes and move on. We will carry with us the scars of our failures to remind and warn us that, yes, we can fail, but more importantly that Jesus can heal even the most broken sinner. Amen.