“Forgiveness Is Not Optional”

Matthew 6:12, 14, 15

A small bit of wisdom: “An unforgiving Christian is an oxymoron.”

An exchange between a certain General Oglethorpe and John Wesley: Said the general, “I never forgive.” Replied the good Dr. Wesley, “Then I hope, sir, you never sin.”

From John Prine’s “Chain of Sorrows”: “You can gaze out the window/Get mad and get madder/Throw your hands in the air/Say what does it matter/But it don’t do no good to get angry/So help me I know/For a heart stained in anger/Grows weak and grows bitter/You’ll become your own prisoner/As you watch yourself sit there/Wrapped up in a trap/Of your very own chain of sorrows.”

[prayer]

A grudge is defined as a feeling of ill will, rancor, or deep resentment. Or to further define it: spite, malice, animosity, malevolence, or hostility. I think we can agree that a grudge is not a good thing. Carrying one is neither emotionally nor spiritually healthy. Ultimately it isn’t even good for our physical wellbeing. I read somewhere that carrying a grudge or holding on to some deep resentment is like taking a dose of poison every day in the hope of someone else dying.

I don’t remember the title, but there’s another old song by the above mentioned John Prine in which he sings a funny line about a judge who had a grudge that wouldn’t budge. Some folks jokingly refer to a disease called Hillbilly Alzheimers. Those who have it forget everything but their grudges.

But grudges are no laughing matter. Some people carry them for years. They even pass them down from one generation to another. This leads to ongoing estrangement and hostility. Sometimes grudges even erupt into violence. In some cultures revenge is very much a part of life. Grudges never budge. They are held onto forever. There are people who really don’t just get mad; somewhere, somehow, some way, some day they get even. They may forget a lot of things, but never their grudges.

Grudges are ugly. And they’re not limited to hillbillies. They are very much a part of our fallen human nature. To be human is to be capable of deep, dark resentments, corrosive vindictiveness, and inhuman acts of vengeance. To be human is to be capable of hatred. To be human is to be capable of holding a grudge that just won't budge. Being human means being resistant to the forgiveness of and reconciliation with those who have hurt or offended us.

A grudge is human. It’s not healthy. It’s human. It’s not Christian. In one of our older liturgical recourses, The Worshipbook, there are several good litanies. One is “A Litany of the Beatitudes.” Hear what it has to say about being merciful: “Thank you, God, for your Son Jesus, who gave his life for sinners; who on the cross forgave unforgivable things. Receiving his mercy, may we always forgive.” Always. Not occasionally. Not most of the time. Not just when we feel like it. Always.

And from “A Litany of Intercession:” “… put out ancient hate that smolders still or flames in conflict.” [and] “May we be kept from infectious hate or [a] sick desire for vengeance.” In these sentences we are asking God to put an end to all the hate that either festers and poisons us or and the hate that has erupted into violence and destruction. We are asking God to inoculate us against that spiritual and emotional disease called hatred and any kind of cancerous desire for revenge. We’re asking God to make us immune to grudges.

We’re asking God to answer today’s petition from The Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” We are taking seriously these words of Jesus: “… if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

In the 18^th chapter of Matthew Jesus tells a parable about the ramifications of non-forgiveness. A king decides that it’s time to settle his accounts. One of his slaves owes him $10,000 and doesn’t have the money to pay his debt. The king orders him, his family, and his possessions to be sold in order to pay the debt. The slave pleads for mercy. The king, in a great act of kindness, forgives him his debt.

Then what happens? That same slave refuses to forgive the debt of a man who owes him only $100. Instead of showing mercy he throws the poor guy in jail. The king hears about this. Angrily he calls out the slave whose great debt he has forgiven but who refuses to forgive the small debt owed him. He lets him know why he’s upset. Then he punishes him. Jesus finishes the parable by saying, “So my heavenly Father will also do to everyone of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

From your heart! Ouch! God takes this forgiveness stuff seriously. He’s willing to forgive us. In response we must be willing to forgive others. Not some day but as soon as possible. Not just the small hurts but also the big ones. Not just our friends, neighbors, relatives, and acquaintances but also our worst enemies.

There can be in our lives no grudges that won’t budge. There can be no unresolved resentments. We must love and not hate the most unlovable of people. It is not okay for us to slowly poison ourselves to death in the name of payback; or to wrap ourselves up in a chain of our very own sorrows. O we can get mad. Anger in itself is not a sin. We just can’t get even.

Again, ouch! Ouch, ouch, double ouch! That’s me stepping on my own toes. That’s me wishing I’d kept preaching and not gone to meddling. That’s me thinking about some of my own grudges that haven’t budged. That’s me being unable to let go of old wounds.

That’s me remembering how much I gloated when, after I got my doctorate, one of my high school bullies had to pump my gas and clean my windshield. That’s me still not completely able to accept my mom and dad’s parental imperfections. That’s me admitting that I still dream of some dark night finding the grave of an elder who tormented me and – how shall I say this delicately? - watering his grave.

Ouch! Ouch! Double ouch, and then some! That’s me realizing how I have eternally benefited from the immeasurable grace and mercy of my Lord Jesus Christ. That’s me admitting how much my daughter loves her old man, warts and all. That’s me counting up the many times my words, actions, and attitudes have hurt other people, including people who love me. And have forgiven me.

Ouch! Ouch! And ouch again! That’s me hearing once again the words our Lord Jesus prayed to his Father in reference to his tormenters as he was dying on a cross: “Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.” This is me taking seriously the words Paul wrote to the Philippians about the God who loved us so much that in Christ Jesus “… who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death – even death on a cross.”

One final ouch! That’s me reflecting on the titles of a couple of songs by Don Henley. The first is “It’s About Forgiveness.” Even a secular rock star knows how important forgiveness is. Can I, a minister of the Gospel, take it any less seriously? The other is “Get Over It.” At some point we need to move beyond all the hurt, resentment, and self-pity that weighs us down, eats away at our souls, and causes us to hurt one another. A heart stained in anger really does grow weak and bitter. Grudges really do poison our lives.

Before I close please hear a couple of caveats. As George Butterick in his commentary on the Lord’s Prayer put it, “There is no easy forgiveness.” If it were easy, it wouldn’t be necessary. Forgiveness is hard work for the soul. Learning to forgive is part and parcel of our ongoing sanctification by the Holy Spirit. Apart from God’s grace there is no forgiveness. We can’t be forgiven. Nor can we forgive. It’s something God does in us.

Finally, forgiving someone does not mean allowing ourselves to be the target of somebody’s physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. There are some people, as the gurus of co-dependency put it, from whom we must detach in love. We don’t hate them. We don’t hurt them. We hope only good for them. But we have to stay away from them. We have to set boundaries.

“Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” A small sentence describing a great task. Amen.

[The Lord’s Prayer]